Day 4 & 5: Twin Harbors to some campground near Astoria

So we just arrived in Oregon! and we didn't die going over that INSANE bridge, which I'm pretty sure is like... an 8 percent grade with some funky winds. Julia and I are having a blast today now that we're finally out of Washington. I mean we liked it initially, but after a while it was just like... GET US OUT OF HERE. Not that Oregon will be any different. It's just after yesterday, we really needed the change.

I wrote this piece of the post yesterday, its a little less lighthearted then our other posts, so bear with me:

Day 4: Twin Harbors to Cape Disappointment [yes that is the real name]

Day 4. I can honestly say this was the hardest day thus far. Again, not physically, neither Julia nor I have encountered anything so difficult we couldn’t handle, but this was the most mentally and emotionally challenging. And I personally, didn’t overcome myself and have to confess that I cheated.

Yesterday, through the clouds and the rain and lack of sunshine we all discovered we were missing home. A lot. Deidra couldn’t stop laughing and would constantly remind us what Heidi had said about substituting laughter for tears. We were all feeling pretty homesick and down. Then I discovered my right braison which was holding my rack in place, was now stripped. This meaning that for the rest of the trip I could no longer ride fully loaded. I hated that I’d spent all this time training, and working to get money to buy all these things, and now… it was kinda pointless. Now I’m not trying to use any of this as an excuse for the decision I made, but I want you to all know the background on why I did what I did.

So at this point, with all my belongings being soaked and covered in mud (because two days ago I had to remove my rack) my mental state was fairly low. Amongst other personal family things that had just come to light, of which I will not elaborate on.

So today was the 80 mile ride. I spent the morning telling Julia that today was not my day, I could just tell. I made the dumb decision to ride in a regular t shirt and long skirt because all my cycling clothes were soaked. This was a bad choice. My butt hurt worse than it has ever in my entire life. Along with that, the entire ride I had to listen to the lull of my rack smacking on my rear braison cause I’d forgotten to remove it at camp, and 20 miles into the ride my cable for my back brake had become loose. I just wanted this day to end.

We got to our halfway point in Raymond, WA and I was fuming. I’ll admit it, I had let my emotions get the better of me. Then after lunch, we started to ride again. About a mile into the second half, if that, clouds came out of nowhere and we began to get hammered my rain pellets and wind. At that point I started to cry, not heaving, just like tears. And I looked and Julia and said, I need to stop.

Julia is such a driven girl, there is absolutely nothing or no one that can prevent her from doing what she feels she needs to do. She wanted to keep riding, and I couldn’t blame her for that. So after little debate, I called for our friends in the car to come get me, and Julia went on her way. But before she left, she told me, “I’m sorry I have to keep going, but right now biking is the only thing that makes me happy anymore”.

I knew that I wasn’t the only one feeling homesick or sad. And as we were driving to camp, I started to wonder at what point instead of being the one thing that made me happy, when did biking start to feel like a burden... or an obligation? I realized that I felt like bikes had taken me away from my friends and my family. I was a little angry at this trip for taking me away from my home, and now I couldn't even do it unsupported. It sucks.

Now I know, none of that is an excuse for what I did. I’m supposed to live on my bike pretty much. This trip just wasn’t what I thought, and was a much bigger toll on my psyche then I had thought.

And I probabily could have just told Julia, lets pretend this never happened, but I wanted you all to know, or anyone considering touring, that its really not at all the physical aspect that is hard. Its everything else, all the other elements that come in to play, like missing home, or never having anything dry. It's not easy. I hope this will be the hardest day to come. I think we all do.

And that was yesterday. Today, Julia and I tackled that Astoria bridge and spit in its face. We totally kicked its butt. Morale is pretty high now that we've found a washing machine and some sunlight for a change. I know that we'll have days that are a lot harder then others, I just think we needed a day like yesterday to give us a little perspective on what we're really doing out here. Because up until this point, I don't think either of us really knew what we'd gotten ourselves into.

Oh and Julia got a haircut.